


To Love a Monster (On Hiatus)

by lovelybluegirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Beauxbatons, Bisexual Harry Potter, Cuddling & Snuggling, Draco Malfoy Speaks French, Draco Malfoy was adopted by Wolfstar, Durmstrang Student Harry Potter, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, French Sirius Black, Gay Draco Malfoy, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, Luna Lovegood & Draco Malfoy are Cousins, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nice Dudley Dursley, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Pedophilia, Psychological Trauma, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Draco Malfoy, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25624168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelybluegirl/pseuds/lovelybluegirl
Summary: Trigger Warning: mentions of rape/sexual assault, pedophilia, grooming of a minor, self-harm (cutting), physical and mental abuse, gaslighting, and other triggering subjects. I will put a warning before any chapters heavily featuring any triggering material, so please take care of yourself and avoid reading if any of these can/will trigger you. Please be safe reading!After moving to escape a dark and traumatic experience, Draco finds himself stuck between trying to recover from his trauma and trying to deal with new feelings for the boy across the street. Feelings, Harry-soddding-Potter had no right giving him. Add that to having recurring nightmares and panic attacks, two best friends who live an entire three hours away and the guilt eating away at him for having made his parents uproot their lives for him. To say Draco Lupin-Black was stressed would be an understatement.•••Harry cannot seem to keep his mind off one gorgeous blonde who just moved in across the street. And he is nothing if not determined to make sure whatever made him so skittish never happens again, that and he would die to take Draco out on a date. If only the blonde would give him the time of day.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Tom Riddle, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 39
Kudos: 153





	1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Ron?" 

"Hmm?" The ginger haired boy looked up from his phone and glanced at Harry who was staring blatantly at his new neighbor across the street.

"What d'you know about him?" He nodded at the unnaturally blonde boy helping his parents with the groceries. Harry had had an odd obsession with the bloke ever since he'd moved in across the street from him and it didn't seem to help any when Ron offhandedly mentioned they went to the same school. 

"His name's Draco-something. He's quiet, bookish, think he's on the swim team? I reckon him and Mione'd get on if he ever put his books down long enough to speak." Ron said, shrugging lightly. He'd known Harry for years and had since become accustom to his fixations on the people he fancied, boys and girls alike. That and he really wanted the food Harry had promised him earlier.

Harry watched the blonde in question laugh at something one of his fathers had said. The seemingly carefree smile and eyes alight with amusement struck Harry. He'd never seen anyone as breathtakingly gorgeous as him before. Damn himself for changing schools last year when he could've been around someone so bloody attractive every day. He didn't know how Ron did it without staring at Draco all the time. If he had the chance, he'd be all over him in seconds.

"Think he'll come to the party you're throwing at my house this weekend?" Harry asked. He wasn't infatuated per se just intrigued, he told himself as he finally returned his gaze to Ron.

"Look mate, I've no idea. If you want him there you'll have to work some of that Harry Potter charm and ask him to come yourself. Now can we _please_ go eat." Ron said with a longing look in his eye when he mentioned food. Harry shook his head at Ron and grinned.

"Alright, alright, let's go then. Where'd you want to eat?" Harry asked as he and Ron climbed into his car and drove off.

•••

A knock on the door startled Remus from his spot in the kitchen where he'd been cooking dinner for his boys. He tossed the apron he was wearing onto one of the dining room chairs and made his way to the door.

"Hello, what can I do for you, dear?" Remus asked, upon finding a boy around the same age as his Draco at the door. He was dressed nice enough, with a button up and a dark pair of jeans. Remus also took note of how tall he was and the messy black hair paired with striking green eyes. 

"Hello, my names Harry Potter. I live just across the street and a mate of mine goes to Hogwarts with your so-"

"Dad! Papá wants to know who's at the door, you know how nosy your husband is." Draco called, padding down the stairs softly, wearing the dark green jumper Remus had bought him for his birthday last year and a pair of ripped jeans.

"Oh, er, hello." Draco hovered on the last step looking at the boy, Harry, presumably.

"Harry this is my son, Draco. Draco this is Harry. I believe he's come to speak with you?" Remus said, exchanging a questioning look with his son who shrugged in response. He took one last look at Harry before stepping out of the way and wandering back to the kitchen.

"So, Harry is it? What do you want from me?" Draco asked, leaning against the door as a way to block his dad's view of them.

"Be polite, Draco." Remus warned from in the kitchen. Draco's face tinged pink at his fathers words and he corrected himself. 

"Sorry, what can I do for you?" He sighed, finally taking in the boy in front of him. He was quite...handsome. 

"You go to Hogwarts with a mate of mine, Ron, Ron Weasley." Harry said and Draco noticed the way his hands fidgeted as he spoke, he was nervous. Interesting.

"Weasley, yes, what of it?"

"Well he's throwing a party at my house this Friday around eight and a bunch of other Hogwarts students will be there. You can come as well if you like. I figured it might be a way for you to make some friends since you're new to their school." Harry explained, a goofy smile found it's way onto his face as he finished speaking. And Draco would have found it cute if he wasn't so distracted by what Harry was saying.

"Are you implying I don't have friends?" Draco arched his eyebrow in a questioning manner as Harry fidgeted more. That _is_ what he had said after all.

"No!" Harry shouted, then quickly regained his composure and continued, only, quieter this time, "I mean no, I just thought you might like to come."

"Where do you attend school?" Draco asked, confusion washing over Harry's face. "You said _their_ school, which suggests you don't go to school with us."

"Oh um, I changed schools last year. I go to Durmstrang now, better sports scholarships come in there," Harry shrugged. He gave Draco a hopeful look, "So, will you come?"

"I don't go to parties. Not anymore, anyway."

Draco watched Harry's hopeful expression falter, a thoughtful half smile settling on his face instead. He did not understand what this boy was thinking.

"Well, if you change your mind-"

"I won't. Goodnight, Harry."

And with those words Draco shut the door in his face and locked it. Sirius hopped down the last few steps and smacked his son upside the head.

"Ouch, Papá!"

"Your father told you to be polite, _pour la honte._ " He said indignantly, walking towards the dining room, "Now come eat supper, he's waiting."

•••

"But-but Papá!" 

"Don't give me that look, Dragon. Me and your father agreed it would be good for you to get out." Papá said, giving Draco the ' _look_ '. The _'it doesn't matter if you give me those puppy eyes, Draco, neither of us are falling for it'_ look. It made Draco want to scream. God did his parents have to be so bloody _liberal_ all the time! Couldn't they just once tell him he couldn't go out. Like now for instance.

"Besides, that nice Potter boy came all the way over here to invite you. And you were very rude to him." His dad's voice traveled from the kitchen into the dining room where Draco stood arguing with his papá. He did _not_ appreciate his input.

"Dad!" Draco said accusingly, folding his arms across his chest as his father walked in carrying two mugs full of hot cocoa instead of three. Now Draco knew they were actually making him go to the party across the street. 

"Alright I'll make you a deal, Dragon. If you go over there for at least an hour, I'll let you pick where we order take out tomorrow an-"

" _Ç'est injuste._ " Draco huffed angrily and blew his hair out of his eyes, it was competely unfair. Dad fixed him with a pointed look and Draco almost felt bad about interrupting Papá. Almost.

" _And_ ," He continued, "you can even have Pansy and Blaise over next weekend. Sound fair?"

Draco hadn't seen Pansy and Blase since they'd moved two weeks ago. The trio had texted and called and video chatted since he'd left but it wasn't the same. So, against his better judgment, he conceded. 

"Fine." Draco said quietly, his voice coming out a little shaky as he spoke. 

Bloody hell. He hadn't meant for it to sound like that. Draco noticed his parents sharing a worried look, having a silent debate about him right in front of him. He hated when they did that. It made him feel broken. Like damaged goods. And he was _not_ broken.

Before Draco knew it, he was wrapped in a group hug and despite his dislike for the worried glances he melted into their comforting embrace. He guessed he really couldn't complain.

"You'll be fine, Cub. And if anything happens we'll be right here across the street." Dad said softly, as he held onto Draco a little tighter. 

"And, I'll be here to end the sorry wanker who decides to lay a finger on my son."

"Sirius!" Dad sounded aghast as he shouted Papá's name. And it took a lot for Draco not to snicker at the glaring contest he felt happening between them. Papá never was one to censor himself and Dad never appreciated the mouth on him.

"I was just saying, Remus. _Pardonne moi, mon amour_?" Papá innocently replied, giving Draco a quick wink before letting go of him and pulling Dad into a soft kiss. 

"And if I don't forgive you, hmm?" Dad smiled mischievously, bringing his hands to rest on Papá's hips. "Then I suppose I'll have to make it up to you some other way, _mon chéri_." Papá said, nuzzling Dad's neck, leaving peppered kisses behind. 

Draco blanched at the overly affectionate interaction between his parents and gagged a little, " _Dégueu_." Draco's nose wrinkled at his parents public display and he grimaced as Papá kissed Dad square on the mouth and looked straight at him whilst doing so.

"Watch it, Dragon, before I make it two hours. _Comprende_?" Papá threatened with a smirk plastered on his face. His dad laughed at them and disentangled himself from his husband as he picked his hot cocoa up again.

"Traitor." Draco stuck his tongue out at him in response and Papá, being the very mature adult he was, returned the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations 
> 
> pour la honte = for shame  
> ç'est injuste = this is unfair  
> pardonne moi, mon amour = forgive me, my love  
> mon cheri = my sweetheart  
> dégueu = yucky  
> comprende = understand


	2. Chapter 2

"Harry, the door!" Ron shouted over the thumping baseline of the music and the loud chatter of party goers.

"Got it!" Harry yelled back skirting around a group of boys having a drinking competition in the middle of his living room. He pulled his front door open while looking back at his friends.

"Watch the paintings, if you break them, Seamus, my mother will have our heads." He hollered over his shoulder seeing his friends tossing around a ball. They waved him off and he grinned, shaking his head in response.

"Evening, Harry."

Harry whipped his head back to face the doorway. He'd recognize that voice anywhere because it was distinctly peppered with a soft French lilt, though he'd never admit it. 

Draco looked as gorgeous as ever as he stood there in his doorway. He wore an oversized blue jumper, not unlike the green one he'd seen him wear the other day. Oversized jumpers suited him and Harry thought he looked adorable. Draco's eyes, Harry noticed, weren't blue like he'd previously thought, but a beautiful silver that took his breath away. Gods this boy was attractive.

"Hey," Harry gave him a small smile, "you decided to come after all. Welcome, Draco." 

Draco shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded, "I suppose I did."

Harry's eyes studied every inch of Draco as he closed his front door. He stood rigidly, warily eyeing the room, scanning his surroundings. He looked tense. Uncomfortable. And Harry badly wanted to be the person that made him feel comfortable.

"I'll introduce you to everyone." Harry said throwing an arm around him which was immediately thrown back off.

"No touching, Potter!" Draco hissed with a piercing glare, but his hands were trembling and he stood with his shoulders nearly up to his ears. 

Harry's stomach dropped at the sight. He knew those signs, his cousin, Dudley acted the same way anytime he heard shouting or glass breaking. He knew what abuse survivors acted like. Fuck Vernon for ever laying a hand on him. Fuck whoever had done the same to Draco.

Harry put his hands up trying to look as non-threatening as possible, apologies resting on the tip of his tongue.

"You don't have to apologize."

Harry looked taken aback, how'd Draco know he was going to-

"People always apologize. It's not your fault, you didn't know. I just-I don't-"

"-like being touched, got it. Won't happen again, I promise." Harry said, giving Draco what he hoped was a reassuring look. The blonde nodded stiffly and Harry gestured for him to follow along.

•••

Harry led Draco over to back room where Ron and the others were sitting along his sofa.

"Everyone, this is Draco. Draco this is-"

"Luna?" Draco gasped, looking startled and excited all at once. Harry gapped at the pair as Luna walked forward and engulfed Draco in a hug. He watched as Draco rushed out a flurry of apologies as he held her tightly. Harry stared wide eyed and he couldn't help but wonder how they knew each other because apparently the no touching rule didn't apply to Luna.

"God, I am so sorry, Luna! I never meant to- you know I didn't mean- I would never-he was just so-bloody hell, I'm sorry." Draco seemed to cut himself off with every start of a sentence and Harry felt like he was imposing on some kind of personal matter as he listened. 

"I know. It's alright." Luna said lightly, finally releasing Draco, and rubbing her hands up and down his arms comfortingly. "I know, Dray." 

Now Harry definitely felt like he was imposing and with a quick glance around the group he realized he wasn't the only one. 

"Uh... so, how do you know each other?" Ron asked. Draco jumped a little at the voice then flushed pink and stepped away from Luna. 

"Sorry, er, Luna's my cousin. I haven't spoken with her in...a while. I hadn't realized this was where she had moved last year." 

"She's your cousin?!" 

"He's your cousin?!" 

Harry and Ron sputtered simultaneously. Ron dropped a hand ontop of his head, "I've been complaining about you both to Luna for the past week." He muttered, giving Harry a mortified look. Usually Harry would've snickered, only his best mate could manage to do something like that, but he was busy staring at Luna and Draco.

He could definitely see the resemblance with their all too blonde hair and silver eyes. But wasn't Draco, adopted? He'd have to be, he had two _fathers_ for fucks sake. Harry's head hurt.

"Harry, it's rude to stare," Mione chided as she skirted past him, "It's wonderful to meet you, Draco, I'm Hermione. And I'm sure you've already met Ronald."

Mione gestured towards Ron then stuck her hand out to shake, which Draco pretended not to see, instead offering her a nod and a charming smile. "You as well. You're Hermione Granger, yes? Top of our class, you must be absolutely brilliant."

Mione flushed at the compliments and smiled wordlessly. Harry stared, the no touching rule applied to her as well, it seemed. That and he couldn't remember the last time Mione had been stunned speechless, he hadn't thought it possible. And from the looks of it Ron hadn't either if the withering glare he wore was anything to go by. Harry supposed that meant he was still riding his jealousy kick with Mione.

"My cousin, ever the charmer isn't he? Come along Ron, Hermione, we'd best leave Harry to entertain his guest. Fancy a drink?" Luna said airily pulling the couple along with her, leaving Harry and Draco alone.

•••

"Er, mind showing me to your bathroom?" Draco asked, trying his best to keep the polite smile on his face. It had been a while since he'd had to actively interact with so many people and seeing Luna for the first time since he'd frozen her out had taken a toll on him. He needed a moment to himself.

"Course," Harry said shoving his hands into his pockets and walking in the opposite direction they'd come in. Harry's house was far larger than Draco's and he couldn't help but stare at the large chandeliers and expensive French paintings that lined the walls. Clearly someone had good taste in the family.

Draco followed him through the crowd of tipsy teenagers, most of them grinding on each other to the loud music that thumped throughout the house. He preferred the back room they'd been in, it was more private and had less of the blaring noise. It also happened to have less people to deal with. Out here Draco felt as if he couldn't breath.

"Here we are." Harry half shouted to be heard over the music. He leant against the wall, as if to wait for Draco to be finished. He really couldn't handle that right now.

"You don't have to wait for me, I-I'll be fine. I'll come find you after, yeah?" Draco said through a strained smile in the hopes of getting him to leave. He needed space and the idea of Harry waiting on him did nothing to sooth the panic slowly rising in his chest.

Something looking oddly like disappointment flashed across his face as he pushed off of the wall. If Draco wasn't on the edge of a break down he might've snapped at Harry about how unfair it was of him to look like such a kicked puppy, simply because he had asked him to not hover.

"No, sure, of course. I-sorry-I'll be in the kitchen then." Harry tried for a nonchalant smile but it only served to look forced and wrong. 

Draco couldn't be bothered to care and only nodded, quickly shutting the bathroom door with trembling hands.

The second the lock clicked into place Draco collapsed against the door, his breathing fast and shallow. He drew his knees to his chest and placed his hands on his temple. 

"You're okay, it's okay. _Tu vas bien, tu vas bien_." Draco muttered over and over again trying to calm his racing heart. Nothing had happened and yet the music and people had still set him off. It was overwhelming. He felt like he would run into _him_ the second he turned a corner. Bloody hell, he should never have agreed to come here, it was all too much, too soon. Especially seeing Luna. He felt like he had done something _wrong_ by seeing her. He wished he would just get out of his fucking head.

Draco sat on the floor for what felt like forever as he calmed himself down enough to breath somewhat normally. Holding onto the thought of seeing Blaise and Pansy again seemed to help settle his nerves, he couldn't wait to see them, even if this torturous party was the cost.

A few shaky breaths later and Draco found the will to stand up again. He looked at himself in the mirror and grimaced. 

Draco's face was flushed and his hair was in disarray. He turned the faucet on and splashed some water onto his face. Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath. 

"He is _not_ here and you _are_ okay." Draco said firmly into the mirror, determination and stubbornness reflecting back at him. 

He could do this. Riddle could go fuck himself. His memory would _not_ haunt him. Draco wouldn't allow it. 

With one last glance at himself in the mirror he opened the door and crashed right into a body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations
> 
> tu vas bien = you're okay


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** use of date-rape drugs, attempt at rape, non-consensual touching/unwanted touch
> 
> Please take care of yourself and be careful while reading!

"You alright there, luv?"

Draco's world had been jumbled and it took a second to register that he'd fallen on his arse and a pretty faced stranger was leaning down holding a hand out for him to take. His words lost to the loud thump of the music lulling behind them.

" _Quoi_?"

The word slipped from his mouth sounding dazed and confused, before he had time to correct it. The boy grinned charmingly and offered his hand again with another gesture.

" _Ça va_?"

Draco blinked, then blinked again. Did he just...? His mind blanked as he watched the other boy grab him and pull him up. He stamped out the urge to cringe away. He really needed to get a handle on the no touch thing.

" _Oui_ -yes, sorry. I should have been more careful." Draco apologized, giving the boy a brittle smile as he yanked his hand away.

"It's alright. Not everyday you get a" --he looked him up and down then beamed-- "cute french boy falling for you, now is it?" The boy said licking his cupid's bow lips.

Draco turned a violent shade of scarlett at the blatant compliment and once over the boy had given him. He felt the urge to fidget and squirm. How uncomfortable. He'd only known Riddle to be so forward and he didn't want to think about Riddle.

"I-er- thank you..."

"Nott, Theodore Nott. Pleased to meet you, _chéri_." Theodore said, slipping in some casual pet names as he went and in French, with an almost perfect accent, no less. Draco nodded a little and tried to excuse himself. This entire cocky attitude from Theodore was getting to be all too familiar.

"I- thank you and sorry again. I've got to get back to-"

"Have a drink with me, luv. Please? It's the least you can do, hmmm?" Theodore gave him a shark's smile and it made his skin crawl. He needed to get away from this boy he seemed too much like Riddle had been before he'd changed. Or before Draco had seen the _real_ Riddle.

"I-"

Before Draco could finish his sentence Theodore had grabbed him by the waist and began dragging him along towards the sofa. His brain detach itself from his body and while it screamed in disapproval his body stayed pliant and allowed the other boy to maneuver him easily.

It was a bad habit. A reflex he'd learned to avoid Riddles' brutality. Something about Theodore's demeanor had triggered Draco's submissive survival instincts. He hated it. He wanted to scream and claw out of his grip. His touch _burned_.

"Here try this," Theodore shoved a cup to his lips and nearly caused Draco to choke on the drink he'd all but poured down his throat.

Whatever the drink was, it burned on the way down and tasted weird, bitter almost. Draco gulped it down and pulled away coughing. It was nasty. He'd never liked alcohol. It gave one too much of a possibility of losing control and he needed to be in control. Especially now since he'd lost it for so long.

Theodore threw his head back and laughed. "Can't hold your liquor, pretty boy?" He sniggered taking a swig of whatever it is he was drinking. Draco wanted to go home. This was not what he had signed up for. What time was it anyway?

"I-I really think I should get back to-"

"Dance with me, luv." His words came out more as a statement than a question as he interrupted Draco once again and pulled him up off of the sofa. Oh Lord.

Draco wished someone would come rescue him from this silver-tongued, handsome-faced boy with pushy hands. He was far too domineering and resembled Riddle more and more every time he spoke. And Theodore was _touching_ him, it made Draco's skin itch. But he didn't see anyone who looked even remotely familiar. It made Draco want to curl up and hide.

He dug his fingers into Draco's waist painfully, pulling his body flush against him. Draco put his hand on top of Theodore's and tugged lightly, hoping to loosen his grip or even get out of his grasp completely as the other boy swayed with the music. He didn't seem to notice and Draco's face burned with embarrassment and shame as Theodore made Draco grind up against him. He hated this. He shouldn't have come. He wanted to throw up.

"One song, then I need to go f-find," Draco stuttered a little as Theodore pulled him roughly closer, "m-my friend."

Draco wanted to disappear. He never should have come to this party. He should have let Harry wait for him outside of the bathroom. Why had he been so stubborn? Anything would have been better than this. This was humiliating and this boy kept _touching_ him. Draco could feel the need to scrub his skin raw already. He hated this. He couldn't even muster up the courage to tell Theodore off like he had with Harry.

"Sure, luv. One song." Theodore said dismissively as he forced Draco to dance along with the music. One song turned into two, then five, and it continued that way until Draco felt light headed and sicker than he already had.

"I feel diz-dizzy. My-my head, I can't- god- I think I need-I need to sit down. It's so loud in here. I can't-can't think...b-breath. I need-need some air." Draco struggled to get the words out. Everything was becoming too much. The lights, the music, all the other people around them. He needed to get out of there, his anxiety was bouncing off of the walls and his body became heavy as he nearly collapsed on top of Theodore.

What was happening? Why couldn't he _move_?!

"Don't worry, luv, I'll take care of you."

Draco thought he heard Theodore say but his mind was cloudy and his entire body felt leaden and he couldn't tell up from down anymore, let alone who had spoken. For a terrifying moment he thought it was Riddle's voice. He watched blearily as Theodore carried him into a bedroom and layed him down.

Draco really hoped the unsettling boy would leave him alone after that, to sleep off whatever it is that was in that drink, but Theodore climbed onto the bed after him and bracketed Draco with his arms and legs.

"Such a pretty, pretty boy," Theodore grinned dangerously, his tongue flicking across his bottom lip as he pressed his knee between Draco's legs. "I wonder, will you scream out in English or French? What do you think, _chéri_?"

Draco's blood turned to ice.

No, no, no, no, no, _NO_!

This was not happening, this was not happen. Please -- _God--_ this was not happening again.

"Wa-wait, wait a minute. I-I-stop pl-please. Theo-dore, I don't wa-want this! Sto-stop!" Draco cried trying to push the other boy off of him as he trailed his hands over Draco's body, but he could barely even _move_ his arms. His squirming seemed to do nothing to deter Theodore from what he wanted as he pulled both his and Draco's shirts off easily.

A whimper left Draco's mouth and he wished, hoped, _prayed_ , that someone would walk in and stop Theodore. He wished he had never left the house. All he wanted was his dad and his papá. He wanted to wake up to Blaise's snoring and Pansy poking his cheek and realize this to be one horrible nightmare. But this wasn't a nightmare and this boy was _touching_ him and none of them were here.

"STOP!" Draco screamed, finding his voice over all the fear and horror seeping into his bones.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! NO!" He shouted tears streaming down his face as Theodore struggled to unbutton Draco's jeans. The blaring music turning into white noise in the background.

"Please." He whimpered one last time before screwing his eyes shut and pretending this wasn't real. No one was going to hear him over the music. But he couldn't _do_ this. He didn't think he could survive this a second time. He'd rather die. He _would_ die.

Oh God, please. He hoped this would be over quick.

"Get _off_ of him, you fucking arse!"

Draco couldn't process what happened next as he barely managed to open his eyes at the yelling. It was all sort of fuzzy. Theodore was thrown off of him, a red blur following after, someone was shouting-a girl perhaps- she sounded familiar, hands were everywhere his own included. A face he almost recognized swam in his vision.

"Luna?" He mumbled blinking slowly until he shut his eyes completely and he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations
> 
> quoi = what  
> ça va = are you okay  
> oui = yes  
> chéri = darling


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** draco has a panic attack, a brief mention/discussion of rape

"Draco, wake up. It's time to get up now, Dray." 

"Hmm?" Draco hummed his eyes blinking groggily as he sat up and winced. "Ahh, my head." 

Once he had fully opened his eyes he noticed everyone in the room. Luna sat beside him holding his hand and rubbing small circles into his palm softly. A red haired girl was sitting at the other end of the bed watching Luna carefully as she held ice to her knuckles and then there was Ron and Hermione toppled in an arm chair on the far end of the room dozing off on top of each other. 

"Gin, I've got the bandages. You ready?" Harry said upon entering the room carrying medical supplies. The red haired girl, Gin presumably, nodded towards Draco and raised a suggestive eyebrow, "Blondie's awake, I think I can manage a few bloody knuckles. Unless, of course, my angel wants to help me?" 

Draco watched as Luna flushed a little and smiled. "I would love to, Ginny, but only if it's alright with you, Draco? Will you be okay with Harry for a moment while I help her?" 

Draco opened his mouth to speak when he was hit with a wave of flashing memories: feeling dizzy, Theodore touching him, on top of him, _touching_ him, pinning him down, _touching him_ , undressing him-Oh _God_.

His hands latched onto Luna violently, his breath coming out short and panicked. Oh God, oh God, did he? He couldn't remember if Theodore had...oh God...he couldn't _breathe_!

"Dray, calm down. Breathe. It's okay." Luna said calmly using her free hand to stroke his arm, but all he could feel was panic and his throat felt like it was closing up and he couldn't breathe! He couldn't _breathe_!

"Dray, Dray! Breathe, please. You're hyperventilating, I need you to breathe!" 

Draco could hear Luna speaking frantically, he couldn't recall her ever doing anything frantically before, why did she sound so far away?

He couldn't think. He was trembling, his eyes closed, eyebrows furrowing, as he tried to listen to Luna's words but every deep breath he tried to take turned into a gasp for air and he felt like he was drowning. His heart was beating so fast he thought it would explode or beat right out of his chest. His mind was racing and he couldn't process when one thought began and another ended. He felt like he was dying. His body hurt, it hurt so bad.

_Oh God, oh God, oh Go-_

"Draco. I know you can hear me, just listen." 

Draco scrunched his eyes tighter and tried to focus on the new voice that seemed to breach its way through the chaos. He felt rough hands grab his and press them down on someone's chest. The hands held his there firmly and covered his small ones almost completely. Draco felt the rise and fall of their chest as they breathed in and out slowly.

"Try and match my breathing. You are safe here. No one is going to hurt you. Feel how I'm breathing. You are right here, right now, and you are okay." 

He felt the rumble of words coming from the person's chest and he tried his best to calm his breathing down. The hard touch seemed to ground him to the present and after a a few minutes he managed to match his breathing to the other's. 

Draco's face relaxed and the look of terror and panic washed away. He inhaled deeply, slowly, filling the pit of his stomach with air and released it. His racing heart slowed to a normal pace and he finally mustered up the will to open his eyes finding green ones staring back at him.

"Hi, welcome back," Harry smiled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he did so. Draco took a few more deep breaths to try and steady his trembling. It didn't help as shivers crawled up and down his back, but the fact that he _could_ breath calmed him a little.

Draco found his hands pressed into Harry's chest by his very large hands. And he pulled away, giving Harry a weak smile. His body felt exhausted. He felt exhausted. 

Harry passed him a glass of water, which he took gratefully. His mouth felt so dry.

"Sorry I grabbed you like that, I didn't know how else to calm you down. I know you don't like being touched but it always works when my cousin has one of his...um...his father was horrible, but, anyway, sorry." Harry scratched the back of his neck guilt written all over his face. And Draco just stared. 

How could this boy be apologizing for helping him? And he _had_ actually helped. Pansy and Blaise plus his parents were the only other's who had ever managed to calm him down before. 

"It's fine. I haven't had a panic attack in a while, not this bad anyway..." Draco trailed off and finally noticed they were alone. His eyebrows raising at that, which Harry noticed apparantly.

"I sent Luna and them out...I just...she looked like she was going to be sick and I didn't think it would help."

Draco nodded and chewed on his bottom lip, looking at anything but Harry. He really didn't want to ask. But he had to know what happened. He tapped his fingers along the glass of water watching it ripple and finally mustered up the words.

"I can't really remember, everything's sort of fuzzy, I think he put something in my drink. What happened? What did he..."

Draco stopped. He dragged his eyes off the glass of water and locked eyes with Harry. No point in dragging this out longer. Might as well be blunt.

"Did he rape me?"

Harry shook his head frantically. He looked horrified, like he might be sick. Draco couldn't help but feel the same.

"No, no, no, he didn't, no, oh god. Bloody hell. I am so sorry, Draco. I didn't-that bastard wasn't even supposed to be here."

Harry dragged a hand through his hair roughly over and over. A nervous tick, like how Dad bit the inside of his cheek or Papa tapped, his fingers, his foot. Draco watched silently, waiting for the rest of the story as he carefully placed the glass down on the night stand.

"Luna and Gin went to the guest bedroom to...well anyway, when they opened the door they found Nott on top of you, the pair of you were shirtless and you were struggling. Gin hates guys like that. Ones who take and take and don't ask permission first. She jumped at him and dragged him off, gave Nott a good beating, broke his nose too. Then she came and found me and I shut everything down, made everyone leave. This should've never happened. The party was for fun not some easy cover for arseholes like Nott to victimize-"

"I'm not a victim."

"Sorry?" Harry asked startled by the interruption. Draco hated that word. _Victim_. It made him seem helpless. He was _not_ helpless.

"I'm not a victim. If he didn't...then I'm not...even if he had...I wouldn't. I'm not." Draco bit back the urge to yell at Harry for suggesting it. He couldn't think like that. Harry didn't deserve it either. Draco was just tired and he wanted to go home and he wanted to take a long shower and scrub off everything that had happened and it was late and-wait...

"What time is it?" Draco shrugged the bed covers off and was about to make a dash for the door when he realized his shoes were gone.

"Wait, Draco, maybe you shouldn't be moving around so much-"

"Where are my shoes?" Draco asked stumbling to his feet, patting down his jeans for his phone. His limbs still felt wrong and his hands were still shaky but he had to leave. He had to go home. Oh God, Papá would be worrying himself sick by now.

"Draco!" Harry shouted reaching out towards him as he fell down with wobbly legs. God, Draco really hated the after effects of having a bad attack. He wished his body would calm down quicker. That mixed with whatever Nott had put in his drink, wasn't exactly helping.

"I'm fine. Where is my phone, what time is it? Where are my shoes?" Draco huffed helping himself up and shrugging away from Harry's hands.

He spotted his shoes in the corner of the room and gestured towards them. Harry took the hint grabbing them as Draco sat back down on the bed. 

" _Potter_ , time!" He hissed, slipping his old converse on, feeling anxiety rising in his chest. He crossed his fingers hoping Papá hadn't done something completely mad yet, like call the police or something to that extent. _Lord_.

"Yes, right, sorry, sorry. It's uh half past one." Harry said scrambling to follow Draco as he blundered toward the door on shaky legs.

"Bloody hell." He cursed under his breath yanking at the door handle.

"Okay, you need to slow down for a second, Draco. What's wrong?" 

Draco bit the inside of his cheek to keep from snipping at Harry about his nosiness and how overly familiar he was being with him. He released a calming breath and turned to face the other boy. 

"Look," Harry handed Draco his phone which he took without another thought, "look, Harry. Thank you for helping me with all this, but I need to go home."

Harry nodded dumbly as he followed Draco out the bedroom. Harry silently lead him downstairs and towards the front door. 

"Tell Luna I said goodbye and to call me. And thank that Ginny girl for me. Goodnight, Harry." 

"Wait, don't you want me to walk you to your-"

"I'm not a child, Potter. I don't need you coddling me. I _can_ cross the street on my own, thanks." Draco huffed indignantly, before he walked across the street hastily. He jammed his key into the front door upon arrival and practically ripped the door off its hinges at how quickly he threw it opened. He made quick work of stepping in, shutting the door, locking it, and toeing off his shoes.

The living room lights were on as he walked further down the hall and he found Dad and Papá tangled together on the sofa fast alseep. Dad had his arms and legs wrapped around Papá as if to restrain him and Draco breathed a sigh of relief. Thank the Lord he hadn't managed to get out of Dad's grip. 

Draco stumbled his tired body over towards them and poked at their faces until they woke up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Hey, I'm not sure who all is keeping up with this but my school starts up again tomorrow so I don't know how often I'll be able to update once that starts. Everything is going to be chaotic bc we are doing completely online for the foreseeable future. I'll try my best to keep up with this story! Thanks for reading!! (And please comment bc I loveee to hear from you!)

Sirius scrambled off of Remus and sat up properly, worry marring his face as he took in the sight of Draco in front of him. His hair looked disheveled, he had red rimmed eyes and he had that far off look on his face that was never good news. A look that haunted Sirius' nightmares. He grabbed Draco's chin and moved his head about looked him over to check for any ill recieved markings. At the very least he could thank the heavens he didn't see any physical marks.

" _Ça va, mon bébé_? What happened? Why were you out so late? Why didn't you answer your phone? And why do you look like you've been crying, Draco?"

Draco twisted his face into a scowl, Sirius knew he hated it when he called him by his actual name instead of Dragon. It made everything seem _'too serious'_ according to Draco but this was serious, and he was having none of that.

Sirius watched as his son brushed his hands off of his face and squirmed his way between Remus and him, throwing his legs into his lap and his head into his fathers.

Remus immediately began running his fingers through his hair, softly getting the tangles out of it and Draco relaxed further into his lap. The sight might have been endearing if the silence and lack of answers weren't leaving him feeling unsettled. Siruis gave Remus a nervous look, as he tapped his fingers on his knee and his husband matched it with worried eyes as he bit the inside of his cheek.

Draco hadn't been this tense or exhausted since that monster of a man and the thought of something bad enough happening to cause this was making Sirius freak out. Draco didn't seem to notice his steadily rising panic and firmly shut his eyes, the unease slowly leaving his body.

"What's the matter, Cub?" Remus asked quietly, and Sirius was grateful for it. He didn't think he would be able to speak without panic seeping into his words. Sirius could practically feel his nerves jumping out of his body. He was terrified to find out what had happened to his son.

"Tired. Had a bad attack, almost had two. A guy tried to..." Draco paused and threw an arm over his eyes, "it doesn't matter. I think-I think I want --need-- to start seeing a counsellor again."

Fury coursed it's way through Sirius body as he processed his sons words. He pulled Draco's arm off of his face and pulled him out of Remus' lap so they were eye to eye. Piercing eyes focused on Draco as he spoke.

"It does matter." Siruis said sharply, "When it's you, Draco, it always matters. Are we clear? _Sommes-nous clairs_?"

His son nodded mutely but focused his eyes on the floor hoping to avoid Sirius' gaze. It was a bad habit of Draco's. Sirius hated it.

"Now tell me, what exactly did this boy try and do? Was it the Potter kid? Hmm? _J'irai là-bas cet instant et lui en donnerai quelques_ -"

" _Non, Papá, non! Il aidait!_ Harry, he's-he helped me. It was some other guy." Draco said quickly, as he latched onto Siruis' arm to stop him from doing anything drastic. He gave his son a look and continued using a plethora of hand gestures to show his disapproval of all of this.

"Then who was it and what happened? _Cela ne se reproduira plus_. We are not doing this again, Draco. Believe you me, this will not turn into a situation like before-"

"That is _enough_ , Sirius!" Remus snapped fixing him with a fierce glare as he tugged Draco away from him and tucked their son against his side. The sheer disappointment settled on Remus' face shocked Sirius out of his lecture and he finally took in the silent tears falling down Draco's face. _Merde_ , he shouldn't have been so forceful.

"'S alright, love, you don't have to tell us right now, hmm? Come now, Cub, you're alright. I've got you." Remus hummed pressing a kiss to the top of Draco's head as he stroked his arm in a comforting manner. Sirius was going to get it from Remus later for sure.

Draco pressed his face into Remus' chest and he fell apart a little more. Quiet whimpers and hiccups left his body as he wrapped his arms around his father. Sirius' heart clenched at the sight. He hated feeling so helpless when it came to Draco's feelings and not being able to take the hurt away.

"It's alright, my beautiful boy. We'll sort this out tomorrow and if you still want to speak with a counsellor then, we'll find someone whose suited to you." Remus said, rubbing his back, trying to sooth their son. Immediately after he finished speaking, he shot Sirius a stern look and nodded his head towards Draco's shaking form as if to say _'_ _y_ _ou better bloody well say something!'_

"I'm sorry, Dragon. _Mon bébé, je t'aime. Je suis désolé_." Sirius said softly as he wrapped his arms around the both of them and planted a kiss on his forehead. The trio stayed like that for a while, Sirius rocking them ever so softly, until Draco calmed down and fell asleep, no doubt, from the exhaustion of the night.

•••

After situating their son on the sofa with a quilt and a pillow, Sirius was dragged into the kitchen by the wrist.

"What on earth were you thinking!" Remus hissed quietly, releasing him and folding his arms over his chest. His eyes flashed angrily and he let out a disbelieving huff of air. And the only thing Sirius could manage to do was look at him with sullen eyes. Remus shook his head and his frown deepened with the silence he received in return.

"I can't believe you right now. _'We aren't doing this again'_ and _'This will not turn into a situation like before'?_ What were you thinking? How could you say those things to him?" Remus said, he was seething and Sirius could see why. He hadn't picked the best wording for those sentences. He'd meant to say he didn't want Draco to go through hell again, especially without telling them like he had before. However, that was not how it had come out.

"I only meant-"

" _I_ know what you meant. But that doesn't mean he does! Certainly not, when you're going off on a tangent about it as though what happened was somehow his fault." Remus interrupted, a look of distress finding it's way onto his face. "Gods, Sirius, you need to be more careful with your words."

Sirius sighed and pulled his stressed husband towards him. He wrapped his arms around his waist and lent their foreheads together.

"I know, _mon amour_. I'm sorry. I'm worried, I don't want him to go through what he did last year, not again. Never again. I couldn't survive it again, I-I can't-"

"I know, I know, it'll be alright." Remus shushed him, pressing soft kisses to his mouth and wiping tears from his face he hadn't noticed yet.

"We've got him, hmm? He'll be fine. He tries his hardest to tell us what he has to when he's ready. We simply have to support him and hope he knows he can come to us with anything." He hummed pressing their foreheads together again as he spoke, his hands still resting on either side of Sirius' face, "It would help if you didn't become so angry and protective."

"I know, but I sent him there. I sent him to that party and-"

"No, Sirius, we both sent him to that party. We agreed he needed to get out. This was neither of our faults."

" _Merde_. I'm supposed to be the strong one." Sirius huffed indignantly.

Remus only smiled at him sadly and swiped a few tears away. He pressed a firm kiss to his lips.

"You don't always have to be the strong one, we can be strong together, Siri."

Sirius could never ask for a better husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations
> 
> Ça va, mon bébé? = Are you okay, my baby?  
> Sommes-nous clairs = Are we clear?  
> J'irai là-bas cet instant et lui en donnerai quelques- = I will go over there this instant and give him a few-  
> Non, Papá, non! Il aidait! = No, papa, no! He was helping!  
> Cela ne se reproduira plus. = This will not happen again.  
> merde = shit  
> Mon bébé, je t'aime. Je suis désolé. = My baby, I love you. I am sorry.  
> mon amour = my love


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** mentions of self-harm, draco talks about the incident at the party
> 
> a/n I know it's been a bit of a wait I'm trying my best to juggle this and all of my classes. I hope you enjoy! Please be safe while reading!

"Alright, spill. You've been all," Pansy made a face and vaguely gestured at Draco, who flopped down on his bed throwing an arm over his face dramatically, "like _that_ the entire week. So? Explain yourself."

"Hmm, alright well," Draco hummed derisively, as Blaise and Pansy sprawled out onto the bed flanking him on both sides. "I went to a party last Saturday where I saw Luna after ghosting her all last year courtesy of you know which fucker, then I had a panic attack. After which my drink was spiked with only-god-knows- _what_ date-rape drug and I was felt up. Same bloke tried to take advantage of me, I passed out, oh and then had another panic attack. So that's how that went."

"Christ, Draco!" Blaise choked out sitting up to look at the blonde who kept his eyes firmly glued to the ceiling as he threw about his hands in wild gestures, pointedly ignoring his concern. If he stopped now he wouldn't get through the story.

"Oh and then bloody Potter with his stupid charming face and those goddamned pouty emeralds for eyes. Lord _knows_ I don't need some overly protective dimwit harassing me! Yet there he is every bloody day walking me home because I refuse to get in his car! And if that wasn't irritating enough, he even sent his minions to essentially stalk me at school when he can't. I wouldn't mind Hermione if she didn't constantly drool over Weasley, which she does. Such a disappointment really, she's quite brilliant while that ginger haired heathen is a complete menace to society. We came here so I could get a little peace, heaven forbid that ever happens thanks to Potter and his mongrels!"

Draco groaned, his voice becoming more shrill with exasperation with every sentence he ground out. At the end of his rant he took in a deep breath and released it in a huff. Potter had really sent him into a rage at the strange form of coddling.

"Again, I reiterate, _Christ_ , Draco." Blaise breathed as he lifted himself to face Pansy and exchanged a look with her.

"Draco, darling, why exactly did you wait till now to tell us this?" Pansy asked quietly, "We've been calling for the past week and you never mentioned any-"

"Because- _fuck_!" Draco said, his voice cracking as he dragged his hands up to furiously wipe at the tears beginning to fall. He thought saying everything quickly and impersonally might make it more palatable. It hadn't. He was still rendered a crying child around both his parents and these two. Screw Nott for adding to his trauma.

"Oh, love," Blaise said softly, pulling Draco into his side and stroking his hair in that way Blaise always did when he was upset. Ever since they were younger, Blaise had always been the one to bring Draco back from a breakdown. Things hadn't changed all that much over the years. And despite feeling ridiculous for sobbing into Blaise's jumper Draco still held onto him tightly.

"That's it! I am going to slaughter whomever this prick is, what was his name Draco? I swear to heaven above I will maul the bloody bastard!" Pansy snapped as she jumped off the bed and began to angrily pace the perimeter of the room.

"Pansy, this is not the time for that." Blaise said firmly giving her a pointed look as he pulled Draco further against him, leaning his back against the wall and wrapping his arms around the blonde protectively. Pansy let out a disbelieving noise and folded her arms as she continued to pace.

Draco continued to cry into Blaise. He hated this. Hated that he was so mentally hijacked by the mess his life had become. He thought moving might help, but Nott had managed to mangle that idea quickly enough. And now his best friends where a city away from him because of his own stupid decisions. He felt hopeless.

"Hush, now, Draco. We're here, love. We'll come up every weekend once my car's been fixed and we'll make this year just as spectacular as year ten was." Blaise spoke calmly as he ran his hand up and down Draco's back.

"I'm s-sorry," Draco croaked looking up at Blaise with watery eyes and then at Pansy who froze midstep. "I didn't mean to...we-we're meant to be have-having fun b-but I've gone and r-ruined it."

Pansy narrowed her eyes and stalked over to the two boys situated on the bed. She was never one for touchy feely situations but now seemed like a moment in which she should afford Draco the courtesy of such.

"You haven't ruined anything, darling. Budge up, will you,"

She settled herself on the other side of Draco and tugged his hand into her own. Blaise raised an eyebrow at her but she ignored it in favor of grabbing Draco's chin, forcing him to look at her. He sniffled a few times, the tears having calmed down quite a bit in the last few minutes.

"Now, you are going to tell us exactly as much as you want or need to. We'll discuss whatever you want, leave out the bits you don't, then I'll hunt-"

" _Pansy_." Blaise warned, and Draco cracked a wobbly smile when Pansy rolled her eyes in response.

"Alright, _fine_. Then we'll have a movie night. We'll bake some of those cavity inducing brownies you love and binge on whatever snacks your parent's have hidden away. You've got us till late Sunday, darling. You haven't ruined anything."

"I love you Pans, you too Blaise. Thank you." Draco said placing a kiss on both of his friends cheeks. He leant against Blaise and held onto Pansys hand firmly as he dove into all the horrid feelings and thoughts he'd been having ever since Nott had harassed him.

•••

"Pansy," Draco whined as she continued to paint his nails a metallic green that shined in a lovely way. His favorite color too.

"Not a word, if I'm not allowed to go after and murder this Nott-boy, then I'm allowed to do this." She tutted continuing to coat his fingernails with careful and meticulous brush strokes. At least he knew it would look nice afterwards.

"But, Pansy, the brownies are done!"

"What a shame, you'll have to wait till I'm finished."

Draco pouted and gave Blaise pleading eyes. The dark skinned boy laughed and reached over to where they were sitting on the sofa and fed him a bite of the brownie he'd been eating. Lord, did they taste amazing.

"Quit squirming or you'll make me get the polish on your sleeve." Pansy sighed as she went and tugged Draco's left sleeve up. Draco went to pull away from her but she simply held fast and pulled his sleeve up above his forearm. _Fuck_.

"Wait!"

Pansy froze and her grip on Draco's arm tightened. Her eyes flickered with something dangerous as she looked at the thin red lines that lined his wrist, the very obviously fresh new lines of cuts lining his wrist.

Draco wanted the floor to open up and devour him whole if it meant getting away from her harsh glare or Blaise's look of concern as he saw the damage.

"I-"

"When?" Pansy interrupted him as he went to explain himself. She held his arm fiercely, and took in a calming breath. He knew she hated when he did this to himself. Blaise did too. The difference being Blaise usually cried and held him and apologized for not doing enough while Pansy became furious and shouted compliments at him whilst insisting he was better than the both of them. It was all a bit mind boggling when it happened.

Draco chewed on his lower lip anxiously and fidgeted, before he answered in a whisper.

"I couldn't sleep. I kept-I kept hearing _-feeling_ him. I couldn't-I just needed to-"

" _When_?"

"The past three days, but not today. I didn't today."

Blaise silently came and sat on the sofa with them. Draco watched as Pansy and Blaise had a silent conversation between themselves and he knew they were going to ask before either opened their mouth.

"No, I haven't told Dad or Papá, not yet. I just didn't want to bother-"

"Don't you _dare_ finish that sentence, Draco, you are not a bother and you know it. You have to tell them or at least, please, tell your new counsellor or tell me or Blaise or someone, anyone. You are so very important to so many people and I - _Gods_ \- I need to make sure you are _safe_. And I can't make sure of that if you won't tell people. You promised you would stop. Please, Draco, I can't-"

Pansy broke off into silent tears and stood up smoothing her skirt down, her shirt, her hair. He hated when she cried, she did it so rarely that when she did cry if felt like the world was ending. And right now it was his fault. Draco stared helplessly after her and he bit down on an apology he knew she wouldn't appreciate.

"Both of you look at me." Blaise snapped, his tone reminding Draco of Mrs. Zabini when she was cross. Pansy turned to face him as did Draco and he continued in a firm voice.

"Pansy, you need to quit asking that of him. Draco is allowed to tell whomever, whatever, whenever he likes. You don't understand what it is to live with the urge to do what he does and it is unfair of you to ask him to promise he will stop. And you,"

Blaise pointedly switched his focus from Pansy to him.

"Draco, you need to try your best to let the people who care about you help you. Now whether that means telling us about when you have the urge to self harm or letting us help you find alternative solutions to that or telling someone else or something else that you think will help, is up to you."

He paused and glanced between the pair, making both look down guiltily. The pair sat silent as they waited for Blaise to finish. He took a deep breath them rubbed at his temples before continuing again.

"But the both of you need to quit making the other feel responsible for your feelings. I am going to get grey hairs from trying to keep myself composed as well as you both. And I will not handle it well if you two decide to send each other into depressive episodes. I care far too much about you both for any of that. Alright?"

Draco and Pansy nodded before Blaise tugged them into a group hug and they quickly settled back into sleepover mode. Pansy grabbing Draco's hand to finish painting his nails, being mindful of his new cuts and Blaise went to sift through the Lupin-Blacks movie collection.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger Warning:** mentions of self-harm
> 
> a/n I am _so_ sorry for how long this took. I underestimated my classes abilities to completely drain me off any sort of creative energy, otherwise I would have had previously written chapters so I could try and post more regularly. I promise I'm still trying to write and such, but bear with me as I try to figure out how to split my focus enough to do so. I hope you enjoy and thank you for understanding! As always please be safe while reading! <3

The next day the trio had cooked up a large and fancy breakfast for Draco's parents as a thank you. The three lazed around for most of the day, playing board games and talking until Pansy's old nursemaid, Anna, came to pick her up.

"Goodbye, darling," She said, kissing Draco on each cheek before he pulled her into a tight hug which she tried her hardest to squirm out of. "That's enough of that. And I'll see you at school tomorrow, Blaise."

Pansy kissed his cheeks too, then tossed her bags in the back seat and settled herself in the passengers side. She greeted Anna the same way, before they drove off.

Draco missed her already.

"How long till your mother is here, Blaise?"

"Oh, you know my dear mother, she'll be sending Isaac as per usual. She is _far_ too busy to be dealing with the likes of me."

Draco cringed at the words but Blaise only smiled wryly. He tugged Draco against his side and pulled them both down into the grass of his front yard. It probably wouldn't be long till Isaac got there, he always was impeccable with arriving on time, they might as well spend what they had left outside. The blonde sat cross legged beside him and laced their fingers together.

"Sorry, Blaise. You deserve better."

"'S alright, love. She has her moments, besides, it's always good to have a lawyer in the family. And Isaac and I have been chatting more. I think I might become a chauffer like him simply to spite her."

"Yes, well I appreciate her for what she's done for me, but she ought to make more of an effort. Who has a child only to-"

"How's the swim team, hmm? We should discuss that before you work yourself into a frenzy over my mothers neglectful ways."

Draco shot Blaise a look. He hated when he did that. The way he avoided discussing his mother even when Draco knew it hurt him or how he managed to say things like that in a joking manner. His mothers neglect wasn't funny and it never would be. He couldn't imagine what it felt like but he guessed it wasn't pleasant like Blaise would try to make him believe it was. He pursed his lips and answered anyway.

"It's fine, good, actually. Much better than Beauxbaton. They even have their own pool. I haven't really spoken to anyone on the team or otherwise, but they seem alright."

"You know you're allowed to have other friends, right?"

"And _you_ know you're allowed to have feelings about your mother's absence, right?" Draco countered, the sterness in his grey eyes not faltering as he looked up at Blaise who was irritatingly taller than him. The dark skinned boy shook his head and layed down. He twisted his body so his head was in Draco's lap and his long limbs sprawled out on the grass.

"I promise, love, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to. Besides I've been mothered quite a bit by both of your parents. No need to dwell on someone who wouldn't give me the time of day." Blaise said quietly, his eyes falling shut as Draco dragged soft fingers along his temples, the bridge of his nose, his cheeks.

"Just as well, I suppose, seeing as Papá and Dad love to mother you and Pansy. Like the siblings I never had."

"Mmm, yeah." He hummed in agreement.

They stayed like that for a while, Draco taking in the breeze and darkening sky while he traced random patterns into Blaise's skin. A calmness overtook the pair, just as the sun dipped out of existence Draco's porch light clicked on and bathed them in yellow light. After the long and comfortable silence, a smirk found it's way onto Draco's face.

"So, Blaise, how's Anthony? Or, I forget, was it Padma? Her sister perhaps? Michael, maybe? It all gets a little muddled when you're such a flirt-"

Draco was cut off by a loud squeak leaving his mouth. Blaise had jumping up quickly startling him before physically lifting the blonde's small frame and easily throwing him over his shoulder. Bloody rugby players with their brute strength!

"BLAISE!" He shrieked, laughter tumbling from his lips as his friend dug his fingers into his side and began to tickle him. Being ticklish was his biggest weakness.

"I feel as though you're insinuating that I'm a slut, is that what's happening, Draco?"

"Not a slut, but maybe a man-whore. Ack! You asked!"

The pair goofed off for a blissful minute. Blaise swaying about while tickling Draco mercilessly while he continued to squeal and squirm helplessly against his grip. Damn Blaise for being a full foot taller than him!

"Put me down, you uncouth oaf!"

"Oh, I'm uncouth, am I? How's this for uncouth?" Balise shot back, a grin settling on his face as he went to dump Draco unceremoniously on the ground only to be interrupted midway by an angry voice that startled them both.

"Let him go or you'll have me to deal with!"

Blaise turned to see whom had essentially _growled_ at him while he held Draco's hips and carefully set him down. The blonde's eyes had doubled in size at the realization of who it was.

It was bloody Potter. The other boys stood looking just about ready to maul Blaise. Potter's eyes were alight with something akin to murder and attack. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. The unasked for show of bravado that he was supplying left Draco feeling exasperated, his good mood souring. Apparently, Potter was set on nannying him in his own driveway as well.

"I don't know who you are but I'll have you know my father is an officer and if you-"

"Is that so? I'll have _you_ know that my mother will sue your arse for all your worth before your father ever lays a hand on me." Blaise interrupted, his tone calm, almost bored. He wrapped a protective arm around Draco and shot Harry a withering look before turning to the blonde. Blaise raised a questioning eyebrow at Draco.

"Lord, have mercy on my soul," He sighed, dramatically leaning his entire body weight on Blaise, "Potter, this is Blaise. Blaise, my neighbor, Harry Potter."

The two boys exchanged a look which consisted of Harry glaring and Blaise studying him closely. A long beat of silence followed. If that wasn't awkward enough, Isaac decided to pull up on the curb, right at that moment, the head lights of the vehicle putting them all in a spotlight. Sometimes Draco swore he was in some bad romance novel. Ever the peace maker Blaise offered him a hand to shake, which Harry took, albeit begrudgingly.

"Pleasure, Potter, but that'll be my ride." Blaise said, releasing his hand, and turned to face Draco. "I'll see you soon, Draco, my car should be fixed by next weekend. Be safe, love."

The hidden meaning behind _'be safe'_ was not lost on him. As in _'be safe, please try not to slice up your wrists once I leave'_. Draco cringed as the bitter thought ran through his head. He knew it wasn't how Blaise meant it. He was only feeling irritated because Potter had decided to come and play hero, ruining their fun.

"I'll try my best." Draco replied as Blaise pulled him into a bear hug and planted a kiss on each of his cheeks and his forehead for good measure. Draco cracked a small smile and watched as his best friend walked to where they'd dumped his bag on the floor and swept it up. He climbed into the back seat then rolled down the window as Isaac pulled out of the driveway.

 _"Même s'il est une brute, c'est une jolie."_ He shouted out the window as they rolled down the street.

 _"Tais-toi! C'est toujours un ravageur!"_ Draco yelled back. He watched the car fully disappear out of his neighborhood before the half smile dropped from his face. He returning his focus to Potter and fixed him with a scowl. Dear, Lord was this going to be irritating. He could already feel the urge to roll his eyes building up.

"Whatever can I help you with, Potter?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translations
> 
> Même s'il est une brute, c'est une jolie. = Even if he is a brute, he's an attractive one.  
> Tais-toi! C'est toujours un ravageur! = Shut up! He is still a pest!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n hello, loves! it's been a while but I've apologized quite a bit over my messed up writing schedule (it really is difficult to write for fun when you _have_ to write for class) so instead I'll just say thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy the chapter! <3

"Well? Go on, what's so important that you feel the need to threaten the person I'm hanging out with?"

Harry sighed heavily and dragged a hand through his hair. He hadn't meant to be a hastle. He also hadn't meant to nearly bite off Draco's friends head, or boyfriend maybe, they _had_ seemed rather close. The thought left him feeling a confusing mixture of bitter and thankful that Draco had someone if it were true.

"I-I only did it to-"

"Protect me, yes, I'd gathered that much, Potter. You've said so yourself multiple times." Draco huffed, folding his arms across his chest as he continued to glare Harry down.

This was not off to a great start at all. Although Harry found Draco painfully attractive, especially when he was bathed in nothing but the yellow light emanating from his front door wrapping a soft glow around him and making him look angel-like, the glare stung more than a little.

"You know, I haven't the faintest idea why you feel the urge to smother me in your so called protection. I see no reason for you to act like this, we've barely just met. And another thing-"

He listened as Draco continued to complain on and on for all the other reasons why this was all nonsense. Unconsciously, Harry found himself agreeing. His actions _didn't_ make sense. He didn't know Draco at all and he had no right to be so overly protective of him.

"-you hardly know me, I bet you couldn't even tell me my last name-"

"You're right."

"Oh, is that so- _oh_ , wait did you just-did you agree with me?" Draco stumbled over his words a bit and his eyes went comically wide as he registered Harry's words. He nodded and Draco opened and closed his mouth wordlessly. The gobsmacked look was almost endearing.

"Would you like to go out with me, so I can get to know you?"

His cheeks flushed and he stammered out a weak.

_"What?"_

"Look, Draco, I'm not sure why I feel so protective of you. Maybe it's because you remind me of my cousin, or maybe it's because-well 'Mione likes to call it my hero-complex, I don't know. But either way you're right. I _don't_ know you, not really, but I'd like to."

"I don't-ahem- I don't _'go out'_ as you put it. And I don't date so if that's what this-" Draco began defensively, dropping his arms down to his sides and then wrapping them protectively around his middle.

Harry noted that he looked like he was preparing himself for some sort of bodliy attack. He stepped back and put more space between them putting his hands up in a placating way. He wanted to seem as nonthreatening as possible.

"Hey it's alright, I'm not asking you out like that. Just want to get to know each other as friends. We can invite Luna and the others if you like, whoever you want." Harry said softly, smiling nervously at the blonde.

Draco nodded slowly and unwrapped his arms, carefully letting them fall to his sides. An awkward smile overtook his face before he responded.

"O-okay, I-I think I'd like that."

"Alright, I'll have Luna put us in a group chat and we'll plan something simple, fun."

"Hmm, yes, it might be less irritating if I were actual _friends_ with the people you send to stalk me."

"I don't send anyone to stalk you!" Harry sputtered. He didn't! He just sort of had his friends watch out for Draco was all. That wasn't stalking it was being...neighborly.

"Sure, whatever you say, Golden Boy." Draco smirked and walked over toward his front door, leaving Harry in the grass. "Try not to attack any of my other friends, should you come across us messing around."

"I am sorry about that!"

"Goodnight, Potter."

Harry watched him disappear into his house a small pang of hope thudding quietly in his chest. He'd said that boy had been his _friend_. Maybe he still stood a chance.

•••

"You did what?!" Hermione gasped swatting at Harry's head as he tried to dodge her.

"Ron, help!"

"Nah, not my fight, mate. I'm not about to get in between that." Ron shook his head, and let Hermione continue.

Harry and them had met up for an early dinner the day after he'd had the whole fiasco with Draco and his friend. And he had just finished explaining what went down, which had incited Hermione's wrath.

"Look, it was dark, alright! Jeez, 'Mione it's not like I would've done it if I'd known they were playing around." Harry said defensively as he grabbed at her wrist before she could smack him again. Hermione retracted her hand and sighed. She shook her head, pressing her fingers to her temple.

"Lord, Harry, you shouldn't get so angry so quickly."

"Says the one who was just beating on me,"

He rolled his eyes and Hermione only continued to shake her head and took a sip of her drink. Ron cracked a grin and laughed, throwing an arm around Hermione.

"Well, as much as you've made 'Mione's blood pressure rise, I thought it was funny. 'Course if you're pining after the bloke I wouldn't suggest attacking his best mate."

"I'm not _pining."_

"Could've fooled me,"

"Bugger _off_ , Ron."

The redhead only snorted in reply and bumped shoulders with a glowering Harry as they finished their food. He did not _pine_.

•••

This was so _awkward_. Or at least Draco felt that way. He felt like such an imposition right now. He almost regretted coming.

It was finally Friday and he had agreed to meet up with Harry and his friends at the park for a picnic. Dad had fussed at him about what he should wear and made him bring an extra jacket just in case he got cold while Papá gushed over him and how proud he was that Draco was finally putting himself out there and making friends. It was all a bit much but he'd taken it with a smile and slipped out of the door quickly enough to avoid any overly emotional group hugging that would ensue.

Luna and her girlfriend, Ginny, had come and picked him up and then they'd met everyone else at the park. Originally Draco hadn't thought meeting eight new people was a lot and technically he already knew four of them so really it shouldn't have been all that much. But it was.

At the beginning of the night the entire group had been piled together for food and drinks. The entirety of which Draco was happy to sit back and listen to them tell stories only speaking to exchange a few words with Luna and Ginny. It had been fine. They were all nice enough but they had long since finished eating and now he felt like he was some sort of burden. An imposter amongst friends.

Luna had left with Ginny for a walk around the grounds, and probably a good snogging session if the way they were looking at each other was anything to go by. Then Hermione and Weasley had wandered off as well leaving Draco with Potter and the four other boys he'd invited. It was all a bit overwhelming.

He tried to avoid tugging at his jumpers already worn sleeves or chewing on his chapped lips. And politely declined Harry and thems offer to play football, settling for watching instead. He really just needed the peace of being alone for a while, only that wasn't what happened.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n I'm going to quit apologizing now and instead _thank_ you for sticking with this story despite my erratic and inconsistent updating schedule. Thank you for reading, my lovelies!

"I'll keep you company, you lot go on."

One of the blonde boys said as he settled in next to Draco, leaving a considerable amount of space between them. He was silently grateful for the consideration all of them had been showing him with his no touching rule. He guessed Potter- _Harry_ had forewarned them. It made his chest feel warm knowing how thoughtful that had been. The rest of the boys nodded and walked a few paces out but not before Harry shot Draco one more lopsided grin. He really did have the face for a romantic comedy. The thought left a funny feeling in Draco's stomach which he ignored in favor of turning to the blonde boy and speaking.

"Oh, you don't have to-"

"No, really, you'd be doing me a favor. I loath football," The other boy smiled kindly as they watched the boys kick off and begin playing. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while until the other boy interrupted him trying to recall his name.

"It's Dudley by the way, I'm Harry's cousin. I know there's quite a few of us."

"Well it's nice to meet you. Again." Draco laughed awkwardly, "I'm usually not so forgetful with names, sorry about that."

"It's fine," He hummed then looked at him sideways, "You know, he's strangely protective over you. I've never seen him so mindful of someone else. He nearly took Dean's head off for asking about the touching thing."

"Ah, sorry about that, if it's been an inconvenience or anything. I hate to be-"

"No it's alright, Dean's just a nosey git. I used to be the same about touching, I get it." Dudley said casually as he returned his gaze to the game unfolding in front of them. Draco watched as Harry kicked the ball towards their imaginary goal and Seamus blocked his efforts. Then it clicked.

_'you remind me of my cousin-'_

_'It always works when my cousin has one of his...um...his father was horrible-'_

"Oh! Oh, you're his cousin with-I mean he told me- well he shouldn't have told me anything. It wasn't his place to tell me anything of the sort. Lord, sorry," Draco huffed flustered, his cheeks pinking at his sudden outburst. Harry really shouldn't have told him such personal things about his cousin. He knew how imposing it felt to have someone know about things you didn't want them to know. Dudley only laughed a little and grinned at him.

"You're alright, Harry's horrid at keeping secrets. Not like it really was a secret anyway. My father was a complete wanker nothing to it."

Draco bit back an apology and opted for a sympathetic smile instead. He hated it when people apologized, he figured Dudley might feel the same.

"I understand. My biological father was the same. I don't remember much but he did give me this, that's difficult to forget." Draco said, his voice wavering as he moved a shaky hand to brush his fringe off of his forehead to reveal a thin, long, and impossibly white scar just underneath where his hairline began. He'd never really told anyone about it save for his parent's. He didn't know why he'd felt comfortable enough to mention it to Dudley it was so unlike him but then this boy understood what it was like to deal with such nasty business. And his biological father _was_ nasty business. The distant memory of slurred shouting, loud crashes and a silver and black cane coming down quickly, making him see stars flashed through his mind. Gods, he shouldn't have mentioned it.

"Hey, we're alright. Just breathe, Draco. You're okay, safe." Dudley soothed and it was then when Draco noticed how stuttered his breathing had become and how shaky he felt. Dudley's voice was pitched lower than expected but he continued to whisper comforting nonsense as Draco desperately tried to cling to reality. He shouldn't have brought up his biological father. It always triggered the most random reactions and usually let the thought that he was somehow predisposed to love abusive arseholes worm itself into his head. Like he somehow deserved it in some twisted way for having been related to one.

"You're alright. Just need to take a few deep breaths. Nothing's gonna happen, just take a moment."

Draco shut his eyes and tried to block out his invasive thoughts. He focused on Dudley's voice and took a few deep, slow breaths like he was saying.

He did _not_ want to have a full blown attack surrounded by Harry's friends in the middle of the public park. He was so stupid for thinking this was a good idea. He wasn't supposed to be here, he knew he was just some charity case for Harry. It wasn't as though Draco was interesting enough or talkative enough to even be thought of as interesting for Harry. Plus he was difficult and finicky about _everything_. Watch this all be some large plot to ruin Draco further. Watch Harry turn out to be just. like. Riddle. Gods, the thought made bile rise in his throat. Draco knew he wasn't like that. Or at least he really hoped. But still he shouldn't have come here, he should have stuck with-

"Draco!" The quick snap of Dudley's voice drew him back out of his head, "Stop thinking for a second. Focus on something else. Here."

He felt something press into the palm of his hand. It was rough and sort of prickly and strange. For a second he thought he was holding a thing stuck full of needles and the feeling startled him enough to open his eyes pulling him back to reality.

He looked down and found a pinecone wrapped in his hand. Dudley had shoved a pinecone into his hand and Draco couldn't help but to laugh. An incredulous and borderline hysterical sort of laugh. He saw Dudley give him a concerned look which he waved off.

"I'm so sorry!" He chuckled a little madly running his free hand across his face, "Fuck, I'm all over the place tonight, my brains a little shot. I've just never been shocked out of a panic via pinecone before, it's a bit funny."

Dudley snorted a little.

"I suppose it was a funny way of doing it, but it worked."

Draco sobered up a little at the comment and gave him a sincere smile.

"Thank you, Dudley. I would've hated to-"

"Don't mention it, Draco. Happens," He hummed absently. His eyes refocused on the game playing our in front of them almost as if nothing had happened. Draco couldn't help but appreciate that too.

"Oh! Looks like Harry took an awful spill, I'm definitely going to bring that up during Sunday brunch." He grinned wickedly as he snapped photos of Harry face first in the dirt. Draco simply smiled to himself and watched on. Harry's cousin and friends weren't actually horrible, in fact they were quite brilliant and kind.

•••

"So I-"

"This was-"

Harry watched as a delightful laugh bubbled out of Draco. His eyes crinkling at the corners and a delicate hand flying up to cover his mouth. He grinned back at him as they stood on the porch of Draco's front door. He had such a pretty laugh.

"You-I really like your laugh. You shouldn't try to smother it." Harry said quietly, peering at him with a shy little smile.

Draco dropped his hand and tilted his head to the side, looking up into his eyes. Silver met green. And it was electric.

Harry could feel his face heat up at the indistinguishable glint in the other boys eyes. He dragged his palms down the sides of his trousers and then twisted them behind his back. He watched Draco lick his lips and then smile at him in such a soft way it made Harry's stomach flutter. Bloody fucking hell. He was gorgeous.

"You really do just say whatever comes to mind don't you?" The blonde quirked an eyebrow at him in question. He looked amused more than anything. Harry's face blazed with embarrassment.

"I-" He huffed out an awkward little laugh, "I guess so. I think I'd rather regret a compliment than not having said anything."

"Hmm, I don't think I've ever met someone quite like you before, Harry. It's...refreshing." Draco hummed, folding his hands in front of him. They stared at each other for a moment. Silence filling the air as they studied on another. Harry couldn't help but to think he'd never met anyone quite like Draco either.

"I-"

"I-"

Draco snorted as they interrupted one another once again.

"Go on then, Harry, or we'll be out here all night."

"It was really nice hanging out with you. I hope we can do it again and I hope you consider me more of a friend now."

"I had fun," Draco said, then glanced down at his shoes before continuing, "Thank you, for telling them about my touching rule. I appreciate that and your friends aren't so horrible now that I've spoken with them more."

Harry wished Draco didn't need to thank him for being a decent person towards him. It felt wrong and weird. Everyone should be respectful of other's boundaries, especially such physical ones. He nodded.

"Of course, Draco. I'm happy you had fun. I guess I'll let you get home to your Dad's then. It's late, I wouldn't want them to worry. And thank you for letting me drive you for once, lord, are you difficult sometimes."

The last sentence had been meant as a joke but Draco seemed to stiffen at the words. His smile fell a fraction and then resurfaced looking fake, plastic. Shit, Harry had messed up.

"I-sorry-um, goodnight, Potter."

And they were back to Potter again. Bloody hell.

"Wait, Draco, I-"

Before he got a chance to finish his sentence, Draco had vanished behind his front door. The click of the lock echoing into the empty neighborhood and sending a pang to Harry's heart.

 _"Fuck_. I fucked up."

Harry brought a hand up to run through his hair in frustration. He glanced at Draco's front door once again with a defeated look and then wandered across the street back to his own house.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n Hello, my lovelies! It's been a long while hasn't it? If you have stuck with this story up until this point thank you! I am terribly sorry for not being able to finish it. This will most likely be the last chapter in this story until I have the mental and emotional capacity to write a multi-chapter story and complete it. I just haven't been mentally here enough for this recently and I need to focus on shorter things or maybe even nothing at all for a while. Thank you for all of your lovely comments and Kudos! I really appreciate all the kind words! Sorry, lovelies <3

Draco watched his phone ring for the third time that day. It was from Harry. Again.

He hadn't meant to ignore him the first two times he had called. Okay so maybe he had, at least the first time, but that was beside the point.

He knew he was being sensitive over something that Harry probably didn't even mean. Pansy and Blaise had been called the second he ran up to his room in near tears, a knee jerk reaction to being called difficult. It always made his throat close up and his eyes water. He never wanted to be a burden and Riddle had made him feel like one for what felt like years. 

The next morning Papá and Dad hadn't said anything about him hiding out in his bedroom the rest of the night but he knew they were worried. They kept shooting glances at each other during breakfast when they thought he wasn't looking. He knew he wasn't subtle when upset, he knew that, but sometimes he wished he was. Maybe then Harry wouldn't be trying so desperately to reach him. 

The fact that he was trying so hard to apologize alone should've been proof enough that he was nothing like Riddle. Riddle never apologized. He had a knack for pinning everything on Draco instead. And yet, some part of him was still a little paranoid anyway. 

Fuck, he should answer before it went to-the ringing stopped then and Harry was no doubt leaving him another voice-mail. He gave it a few seconds and reread the last few messages Pansy and Blaise sent in their group chat, lovingly named  _ Mes Salopes _ . It gave him time to muster up the courage to call Harry back. The messages were full of Pansy encouraging him to answer and slipping in some none too subtle threats to introduce Harry to her knife collection if he did or said anything untoward, and Blaise's constant reassurance that he only needed to do what he felt comfortable with, what he thought was best for himself. Good, Lord. Okay, he could do this. 

Draco chewed on his bottom lip and paced his room as he redialed Harry's number. The phone barely had a chance to ring before he answered, sounding breathless. 

_ "Hello?"  _

Draco felt his mouth go dry at his voice. Jesus, words shouldn't be so difficult. Evidently, he'd been quiet for too long as Harry's voice rang out again with a questioning,  _ "Draco?".  _

"Hey, hi, umm," He stuttered out feeling jittery and wrong. 

_ "Hey, are you alright? I wanted to apologize for yesterday. It was only a joke, a bad one at that. You aren't difficult Draco, I swear, it really was only a joke."  _

Draco's heart jumped at the words. Harry didn't think he was difficult, he had been joking, picking fun. And he had thought that, a small part of him had even known it, but it was reassuring to hear. There'd been a time where Draco probably would have snapped back with something far worse than being called difficult. 

"I...yeah. I believe you. Thank you," 

_ "You don't have to thank me for being decent. Some things just aren't for joking about. I er...I had a question too actually."  _

"Okay," 

_ "And you can say no if you want, I never want to make you uncomfortable or feel pressured into anything. That's-I don't want to ever be that kind of person. Really, if I ever do anything that-"  _

Draco's nerves had since calmed. He'd quit his pacing and settled himself against the headboard of his bed, his free hand fiddling with the sheets. Harry's rambling always seemed to pull him away from any unnerving feelings he had towards the other boy. He was just so painfully  _ awkward _ and  _ sweet _ , if a little irritating, and it reminded Draco that Harry  _ wasn't _ Riddle. 

Riddle always picked his words with meticulous care, made sure they were full of fake endearments, and cutting enough to leave Draco believing no one else could ever love him as Riddle did. He didn't think Harry had the focus nor the malicious intent to be able to say such backhanded things. 

_ "-makes you uncomfortable or feel unsafe in any way, please tell me. Or even tell Luna and she'll let me know if that makes you feel more comfortable."  _

"Yes, yes, I know. You're a real-life Saint, a true Golden Boy, only looking out for my best interests," Draco snorted at the sound of protest Harry made, "You can quit your worrying, just ask the question, Harry." 

A pause and then, 

_ "So with Dudley, I have a list."  _

"A list? Of?" 

_ "Of triggers. Words, certain sounds, smells, just anything that messes with his head I guess. Anything that makes him feel like he's back  _ **_there_ ** _ again."  _

"Harry," Draco sighs a little, "I really wish you wouldn't tell me these things without discussing them with Dudley be-" 

_ "No, no it's okay. I asked him if it was alright. I'd never tell you anything he didn't say I could."  _

"Okay...so what's your question then?" Draco asked, he drew his legs to his body, flicking the phone to speaker, and set it down before wrapping his arms around his knees. He wasn't sure how he felt about where this was going but he knew it would be easier to talk about with his arms around himself. There was something oddly comforting knowing he had to autonomy to hold himself, to leave the room, the conversation if he needed to. 

_ "I was wondering if you might want to make one and share it with me? You don't have to, obviously. I just, I thought it might be a good idea. I don't want to trigger you if I can help it. And I won't pretend to know why you react to things the way you do, I only know what I've seen and I know something happened, something to make you wary of people, of me, and I don't want to drag up old memories if I can avoid it. Or send you into a panic either."  _

Draco's brain sort of short-circuited at that. Harry didn't want to know what happened? He only wanted to know how not to trigger him? W-what? Sometimes he swore Harry was too good to be true. Or maybe he was just a really good liar. 

"You aren't going to ask what happened? Not gonna ask what's  _ wrong _ with me?" He snapped before thinking. Draco winced at how harsh and biting the words came out. The silence that followed wasn't helpful either. 

He heard Harry let out a small sigh. Lord, maybe Riddle was right, maybe he  _ was _ difficult. He was damaged, he was all  _ wrong _ . That's why Dad and Papá whispered about him behind his back, why Pansy and Blaise always exchanged worried looks, why Harry was sighing, why- _ no _ . No. That wasn't correct. 

Draco pressed his nails into the pad of his thumb over and over again, the little tinge of pain drawing him away from the dark hole of misery and self-loathing he was going to fall down. At least this way he wasn't drawing blood. And he could remind himself: 

Harry wasn't Riddle. 

And Riddle was never right. 

That's why he was in prison instead of here manipulating Draco into submission. 

Harry's voice cut into his thoughts then. He sounded nothing if not determined. 

_ "No, Draco, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. And I won't ask you what happened. If you wanted to tell me, you would. It isn't my business. What is my business is how I can be a better friend to you, your past isn't who you are and it doesn't matter to me as much as you right  _ **_now_ ** _ does."  _

Draco's suffocating doubt and hostility seemed to wither under those words. He let out a breath of frustration and maybe just a little bit in relief. He supposed he was still a bit techy about everything. He really needed another appointment with his counselor and soon. 

"Okay, yeah. Okay. Sorry, I'm so back and forth. It's-I'm working on that." 

_ "S'alright. So, about that list?"  _

"I ah, yeah, it does sound like a good idea. I just, I don't think I know all of the things that might trigger me. It's only been a little while since...well since I've had to..." 

He trailed off anxiously. How was he supposed to tell Harry it had only been a little over 3 months since he hadn't been under the influence of a sociopathic abuser? 

_ "That's alright, you can always add on to the list. It isn't a one-off, things change, and if you find out a new trigger just add it to the list. I know Dudley keeps a live document that is shared with me and our friends. He just updates it whenever and it sends us all a quick notification when he does."  _

"That- that sounds good. I think I'll do that. Just-not today, and I don't...I don't know if I'd be comfortable sharing it with-with all of your friends but maybe just you, Luna, and Dudley would be okay." 

_ "Whatever makes you most comfortable, Draco. It's for you after all. Anyway, my parents have been wanting me to ask if you and your parents would be open to having dinner at our house sometime? I er, I know we've just started being friends and all but I sort of talk about you a lot."  _

Draco could practically hear the blush in Harry's voice as he spoke. He let out a startled little laugh, of course, Harry told his parents about him. 

"I dunno, whatever have you been saying about little old me to prompt a dinner invitation?" 

Harry let out an exasperated huff and Draco imagined him running a hand through his hair on the other end of the line. He did that a lot and Draco could hardly keep his eyes from watching when he did. His hair was just so lovely. 

_ "You aren't the only reason, I'll have you know my parents want to meet their new neighbors more than anything. You just happen to be a part of those such neighbors."  _

"Oh is that so?" 

_ "Yes, yes it is."  _

"Hmm, well. I don't believe you, but I'll ask my parents and let you know anyway, Harry." 

Draco heard Harry snort at his snark and he smiled at the sound. 

_ "Alright, well let me know about dinner and the list. I've gotta go, but I hope you have a good day."  _

"You too. Bye, Harry." 

_ "Goodbye, Draco."  _

The phone hung up with a quiet click and the prospect of dinner with Harry and his family left him feeling a little fuzzy and warm, a small smile hung on his lips as he set the phone down in favour of finding his parents.


End file.
